Sunday, November 30, 2008

I Love Livin' In The City!

If you thought punk was dead, think again.

Me, Emily, and Judi went to see Gavin's 80's hardcore cover band play. They're called 80's Hardcore.

Slut Machine was there. Look at those beautiful green eyes!

Gavin doesn't want people to know that he gets really nervous before he performs. This is him stressing the fuck out.

This is his brother Kyle.

Rumor has it, Punk Rock Jake is now Heavy Metal Jake.

This girl was really drunk and I thought these pix were cool.





"Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies
video
"I Love Livin In The City" by Fear
video
"The suburban scumbags, they don't care, just get fat and dye their hair!"

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Bricks to billboards, grams to grammy's, O's to the opposite of Orphan Annie...


He wouldn't take a picture with me. He said, "next time."

Monday, November 24, 2008

KRAMPUS!!!

I Don't Do Mondays

This really inspires me today:

Boxer shorts with garters? More more more.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Santa V Satan

Alex Burns has a blog. Wait, maybe it's supposed to be a secret?
Sorry honey bunny.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Something that always makes me happy...

... is when my friends dance around in a way that is awesome.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

More Shmiami

They named this restaurant after us.

Paul took us.

This was the cutest thing in the whole wide world.

The club was bumpin but our "skybox" was not so much.





Then it was all happening.





MIKE HELLER! A new friend is born. video


I love Shmiami. Can't help it.


Let's go back.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Shmiami

Jeez. I needed this weekend. I really did.




Jen and Chloe totally bonded, and we ate seafood on some fake shrubbery.




And then, other things happened...





Who's singing in this live video footage?
video
You know. Come on.

'razzi?!?!

"Wow look how dangerously thin Chloe and her friend Lesley are! DANGERZONE!!! Do you think it's time for an intervention?"

"STARS: They're Just Like Us! They BBM obsessively and drink pineapple juice with aloe in it."

Monday, November 10, 2008

About Town

I finally made it into the New Yorker!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

The Harold Hunter 100

We were talking about Harold tonight and how fucking funny he was. It reminded me of this list. These are some of Harold Hunter's verbal gems. Read, laugh, weep, etc.

1) "I KISS SO MANY GIRLS LAST NIGHT I THOUGHT I WOKE UP WITH MONO."
2) "DAM MAN I GOTTA LOOK BEHIND ME WHEN I TAKE A SHIT."
3) "WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE CAN'T SPELL NAMES BUT THEY CAN SPELL WORDS ALL DAY."
4) "YO WHAT'S UP ROD WHERE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE."11/28/02
5) "NEVER GO FOR PRETTY GIRLS ALWAYS GO FOR UGLY ONES."11/28/02
6) "DAT DUDE IS COOL DAT DUDE IS FUNNY, WHO EVER DAT IS."10/4/02
7) "I'M FOR SERIOUS."
"MY LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE GOOD BY NOW! DAM MAN."
9) "I DIDN'T KNOW JEWISH HAD A LANGUAGE."
10) " I'MA BUSINESS PERSON YO! I TAKE CARE OF MY SHIT I'MA BUSINESS PERSON."
11) "WHAT THE CAPITAL OF INDIANA? MONTREAL NO, INDIANA."
12) "JEFF YOU CHILLIN FOR LIFE WIT DAT GIRL."
13) "I LOOKED THAT UP, RIGHT UP YO."
14) "YO I SAW A MAN HORSE AND HE HAD A NIGGER DICK, YO I'D FUCK A LADY
HORSE IF SHE WAS A PRETTY ONE LIKE A WHITE ONE YO."9/24/02
15) "THEY GOT HUMAN PUSSY'S RIGHT."
16) "YO GIRL WHAT ARE YOU? ARE YOU MOHAMID".
17) "YO WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT BOAT THAT FELL".
1 "BABY I'LL SUCK THE JUICE OUT OF THAT ASS."
19) "YO I LOVE RICH KIDS CUZ YOU HAVE TO BURN THEM BEFORE THEY BURN
YOU. YA KNOW."
20) "MEXICO IS MAD DOPE THEY GOT MAD MEXICAN THERE."
21) "YO TODD STEAKUM THAT'S VEGETARIAN RIGHT."
22) "YO KID I'M NICE IN THE ICE."
23) "NA-NA-NAH NA-NAH MAN MY WATCH IS FO-REAL YO!"
24) "YO YOU KNOW I GOT 40-40 VISION I COULD SEE DUMB FAR."4/13/02
25) "YO TODAY IS PAYDAY BUT I GOT TO DEPOST MY CHECK SO TODAY AINT
PAYDAY, PAYDAY IS TWO DAYS AWAY DAMN MAN."4/13/02
26) "I HATE NIGGAS WHO HATE NIGGAS, SEE I KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS FUCK DAT."
27) "SEE ZOO YORK IS A PROPAGANDA THAT PROVIDES FOOD AND WATER FOR ME." 4/19/99
2 "SEE THEY AINT NO STAIRS IN NEW YORK CITY ALL STEPS YO!"4/22/99
29) "YO RODNEY WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE KRONIC WHEELS" YOU KNOW THE
SOFT ONES."4/22/99
30) "JAPAN DON'T KNOW I WAS ALWAYS GONZILLA." 4/27/99
31) "YO I GOTTA GO TO QUAN-NA-GEE HALL TONIGHT FOR SOME MUSIC SHIT. I
DON'T KNOW." 4/27/02
32) "SHIT NIGGA BE ACTING UP IN BRAZIL I JUST KEPT SAYING MY NAME IS
HAROLD HUNTER I UNDERSTAND THE CONSITUTION MY NAME IS HAROLD HUNTER I
UNDERSTAND THE CONSITUTION."6/98
33) "YO GLAD BAG GOT MORE MONEY THAN PUFFY DADDY."5/3/99
34) "TITS ARE LIKE A BIG ASS BUT IT'S IN THE FRONT YO!" 5/3/99
35) "YO YOU FROM BOSNIA YOU BOMB MY FRIENDS COUNTRY."
36) "YO SEE THOSE GIRLS THEY FROM SOMEWHERE."
37) "YO HOW DO YOU SPELL DOT COM?"5/17/99
3 "YO I GOT THIS YOUNG ASS NORTH FACE JACKET THAT'S GOOD FOR THE
WEATHER."5/19/99
39) "YO YOU ALWAYS BE TRYING TO BLOW ME UP WHEN I GOT A GIRL HERE, SEE
THAT'S THE BEER TALKING."5/20/99
40) "YO LET ME BUY THAT BURRITO FOR 50 CENTS, FUCK THAT NIGGA MIGUEL
CUZ HE GOT A HOUSE."5/21/99
41) "YO I DON'T LIKE THOSE RAMPS CUZ THEY ARE JUST LIKE VERT RAMPS AND
I HATE THOSE."5/97
42) "I WAS IN ST. THOMAS IT'S A PLACE LIKE ALABAMA."6/97
43) "I NEED AN ALPH-MERRICK BEEPER CUZ I NEED TO KNOW WHERE THE PARTY IS, YO!"
44) "TANGERINE" "YO DAVE WHAT'S THAT WORD. I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME KIND
OF INTELLECTUAL WORD YO.
45) "DAM MAN THE PASS PORT OFFICE IS CRAZIER THAN THE WELFARE OFFICE."
46) "YO BENNY I REALLY WANT TO GOTO AUSTRALIA." What he wanted to say
was Austria.
47) "IF IT TOOK AN HOUR OF PRACTICE, I COULD BE A JEDI." Tour 99
4 "YO THAT PLACE IS CRAZY" what place "TOUR YO!" Tour 99
49) "THIS IS NOT A BET; BUT I BET YOU CAN'T DO IT."
50) "WHERE WE AT LOUISEANNA. WHERE EVER DA FUCK." Tour 99
51) "SMOKE DAT SHIT, LIGHT DAT SHIT, ROLL DAT SHIT." Tour 99
52) "DAM I WAS JUST THINKING." "DAM WE HIGH YO!"
53) "WHAT IS A HORIZONTAL BRIDGE THAT SOUNDS CRAZY."
54) "YO I'M SO GREEDY RIGHT NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO SHOULD I TAKE
OFF MY PANTS?"
55) "RICH JAP GIRLS, NAILS GOTTA BE DONE, THEY GOTTA BE CLEAN, THEY
GOTTA HAVE CELL PHONES AND JAGAR CARS THAT'S DOPE."
56) "YOU SHOULD NEVER BLOW ME UP JEFF CUZ I'M CRAZY."
57) "DAM MAN I HELD ME HUNGER FOR THIS, THIS PARTY SUCKS WHA SPINNA
JAM WAZ DAT."7/99
5 "YO I'M JUST GIFTED"
59) "J.A.P.S I LOVE ITALIAN GIRLS." 8/4/99
60) "YO I MET ANOTHER OLD LADY YOU WOULD DEFINTLY HIT HER SHE'S MAD DOPE YO."
61) "I COULD NEVER BE LAZY."
62) "YO THAT'S CRAZY, CRACK HEADS HAVING BABIES."
63) "I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MONEY, I JUST DON'T HAVE MONEY TO HANDLE."
64) "YO THIS GUY MARIANO NIGGA THINKS HE'S DAEWON SONG."
65) "YO YOU KNOW THE DALI LAMA IS THE PRESENDENT OF TIBET."
66) " DAM MAN EVERYTIME WE GO ON TOUR WE GET 5 MINUTES OF SLEEP."8/25/02
67) " YOU NEED MONEY TO SAVE MONEY."8/28/99
6 "YO I TOOK SOME PAIN KILLERS AND MY SHIT WAS STRAIGHT."
69) " I GOT MAD ENGERY KID AND I GOT A HANG OVER." WHAT.
70) "YO MAN THEY BE SPONCERING TONY HAWK AND THE PROSKATER."
71) " YOU'RE A LUCKY BASTARD YOU LUCKY BASTARD."
72) "IT'S HIS JOB TO TRY AND GET ME WORK, FUCK DAT."
73) "I HAD A GOOD SUMMER AND A BAD SUMMER I'M GOING TO PARADISE ISLAND
ONE DAY."
74) " THAT KID FROM THE SIX SENSE IS A DOPE ACTOR HE CAN TAKE OUT
MULKULLY-CUKLAND YOU KNOW THAT HOME ALONE NIGGA."
75) " I HAD TO SAY SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, CUZ SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL."
76) "SHIT I MAKE LOVE TO ANGELS, AND THEY BE MODELS THAT GIRL ANIT NO MODEL."
77) "WHEN YOU HEAR A GIRL CUSS, YOU KNOW SHE TOUGH AS SHIT CUZ LADIES
DON'T BE CUSSING GHETTO HOES CUSS."
7 "REMEMBER BACK IN DA DAY WHEN EVERYBODY USE TO WRITE CHINO."
79) "BEVERLY HILLS IS SAFE, SOHO IS SAFE YOU CAN'T SAY WILLIAMBURGS IS
SAFE THAT SHIT IS STILL BROOKLYN AND THEY BE MAD HUNGRY NIGGA THERE
YO, WAITING FOR WHITE NIGGAS."
80) " YO MAN I'M A PRO-SKATER BUT I DON'T SKATE IN REAL LIFE."
81) "YO BABY I LOVE A FAT ASS IT'S ALWAYS SOFT AND COMFORTABLE AND IT
TAKES A REAL BLACK MAN TO HANDLE THAT."
82) "SUPERMAN THAT KID DRANK ME TILL MY BRAIN WAS OVER."
83) "IN AUSTRIA YOU CAN DO IT. CUZ THEM NIGGA DON'T GIVE A FUCK." Nah
I been there once yo I know. Fuck dat.
84) "I'LL HAVE THE LOBSTER WITH THE TAIL YO, LIKE WHITE PEOPLE."
85) "IT WASN'T MY FAULT I THREW UP IN THE ROOM I EAT TOO MUCH, ALL I
HAD WAS EGG OMLETT, TOAST, MILKSHAKE, AND TWO BEERS THAT'S ALL." I
don't know what happen.
86) "I SKATED ALL DAY YESTERDAY, SHIT IT RAINED YESTERDAY."
87) "YO ADAM LET ME GET MY PASSPORT" Adam reply: "Why where are you
going" "NAH KID I'M GOING TO PHILLY YO."
8 "YO MAN I'M FUCKING THIRSTY I GOTTA GET SOMETHING TO EAT YO!"
89) "YO IF I WENT TO COLLEGE I COULD COME OUT OF MY ROOM AND BE LIKE
YO WAD UP JILL NAH CAN'T CHILL I GOT MAD HOMEWORK TO DO."
90) "GEORGIA SHE GOT MAD LOOT SO MUCH LOOT SHE BE LIKE LET ME GET A
LOBSTER SANDWICH."
91) "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING SPACE HEAD."
92) "I COULD MAKE A SKATE VIDEO ALL I NEED IS A VIDEO CAMARA AND I CAN
EDIT THE VIDEO MYSELF ALL I NEED IS TWO VCR'S."
93) "THIS NIGGA THINKS I CAN'T DO STUFF I WANNA PAINT THE WALLS THAT
SHIT ANIT GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH READING OR MATH."
94) "DO JEWISH PEOPLE HAVE MOTHERS DAY?"
95) "LOOK AT THIS NIGGA WITH HIS GLASSES HE LOOKS LIKE A PSYCHO MIKE-O."
96) "I'LL PUT A BRAIN HEMRAGE ON HIS HEAD."
97) "AFRICA I WANNA GET THERE ONE DAY."
9 "YO YOU KNOW THAT BLACK GIRL THAT MODELS? YOU KNOW SHE'S THE BLACK,
BLACK ONE WITH THE BIG HEAD SHE BE IN THE MAGAZINES I WAS CHILLIN WIT
HER CREW LAST NIGHT."
99) "RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO LYE ABOUT EVERYTHING."
100) "WHEN I WENT TO JAIL IN LONG BEACH THERE WAS MAD SAMOAN MEXICAN
NIGGAS WITH TANKS TOP AND TATTOOS AND MAD PRIDE YO!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Day The Music Died

On my way to work today I passed by Hot Bagels and as it turns out...

IT'S FUCKING CLOSING!!!

This is the conversation I had with the "Mean" guy. I'm friendly with everyone who works there. There's "Mean" guy, "Old, Retarded, But Nice" guy, and "Young" guy aka "Hairline."

Me: What's Happening?
Mean Guy: We're closing.
M: Like, renovating?
MG: No. Closing. We're Closed.
M: How do you mean?
MG: Closed.
M: Forever?
MG: Yes.
M: What? This is major!
MG: [blank stare]
M: What are you going to do now?
MG: Work somewhere else.
M: Where?
MG: I don't know.
M: At a bagel place?
MG: [blank stare]
M: This is major! You didn't even warn us!!!!!!!!!!

I then walked away and thought of Hot Bagel memories on my way to work. I remember all the times I either met up with someone there or sat alone. All the times I purchased cigarettes and milk on my way home. The time they got a kitten and Mean Guy turned into a ball of melted butter. The time a teenager with acne and a big nose worked there and I thought he was hot. The free cookies, the lamb cake with the cigarette in its mouth, the "buy two slices get a free soda" deal. The day they started having pizza and we thought it was weird. There are so many memories the tears are welling up in mine eyes as I write this.

Some people will remember today as the day Barack Obama became the Prez. I'll remember it as the day Hot Bagels died.

The answer my friend, is blowin in the wind.



The answer is blowin in the wind.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Halloween


Barf. Who cares. Next.


Watch this video. Then look at Judi's costume. It's pretty fucking dark but isn't that what this dumb holiday is all about?



I like dressing up and usually like Halloween but the west side is a bummer. Never again. What's next? Thanksgiving? Fine. Christmas? Movies and Chinese. New Years?
Kill me.