Friday, August 3, 2007


I believe that I am consumed with financial fear, and because of the all-consuming obsession I have with not having or making enough money, it is becoming my "wish," so to speak. I am blinded by the fact that the world goes on around me regardless of how much money I have. I can take lemons and turn them into lemonade but instead I chose to take said lemons and squeeze them into every open wound I have.

The bottom line however, the real clincher, is that I think a part of me actually ENJOYS the fear and obsession. I dig deeper, the hole gets bigger. I'm covered in dirt and smiling a shit eating grin and it feels very natural and safe to me. No stranger to misery I am. It's security. It's fucked.

I'm just about ready to retire and move to Boca!

Fuck. I seriously need a camera.