I saw a monkey jerking off

So far India is like War of the Worlds meets a Benetton ad. It's weird that we've only been here for what...4 days? Because me and Alli are two huge JAPS, obviously out of our minds when we decided to come here, we've sort of developed our own vocab/definitions.

For example, When Alli says, "I just saw a man die," that actually translates into, "I saw a man fall off his motorcycle." Some others include:

I just got bit by a rabid dog= I saw a dog.

I got AIDS and Malaria= I may or may not have been bit by a mosquito.

$8 million dollars= any amount over 400 rupees (400 R= $10)

I got a tapeworm= I may or may not have come in contact with tap water.

I just got raped= a man looked at me.

I lost my passport= I left my passport at the hotel.

I just got SARS= someone nearby just coughed loudly.

A guy just robbed me= a man glimpsed at my bag.

In short, I have never in my life seen anything like what I've seen in the past whatever days, and the fact that I'm not shivering naked in a corner in fetal posish is a huge shocker. Sorry mom.

Today on the street in Agra we saw the following, all at the same time, traveling at about 8 million mph. No joke:
rickshaw
auto rickshaw
camel with swastika
car
bike
motorcycle
bus
truck
cow
dog
child bathing
goat
tractor
fire
a man taking a shit
MONKEY