Dear James, you're someone I "really care about." Love Stagemom.
Dear Ramona, Twinsie, and Nina,
I'm not taking new applications for friends, sorry. Love Stagemom.
Dear Machine, You gross me the fuck out. Love Stagemom.
Dear Jonny Famous, Um you're not really famous at all. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Ramona, You might want to look into Botox. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Friends and Loved Ones, Snooze alert much? Love, Stagemom.
Dear Al, Kevin Federline called, he wants his face back. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Skipper and Harley, Sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you're both 5's. Love Stagemom.
Dear Fags, You missed Gay Pride by a few months and you both have GRID. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Alex, You look like a piece of seaweed that washed ashore aka sea-garbage. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Marley, Consider Weight Watchers. I've heard good things. Just a suggestion. Love, Stagemom.
Dear Greg, You weren't coming out of your face at all that night. Love, Stagemom.
