My Emotions

I got tired of doing the blog because I felt embarrassed by it. Every time I took a picture it was like "Is this gonna be on your "blog"?" or "Take a picture of me for your blog!" And Sally said "You should keep doing the blog because people want to see pictures of you and your famous friends." And then when I wrote something even my family members were like, "Oh and I read your blog..."

It's not like anyone is at fault, I'm the one writing of course. I guess I either just assumed no one was reading it or if they were, they wouldn't say anything. I don't know why I thought that.

I got laid off from Missbehave. For two weeks I haven't been working, haven't been writing anything, and so of course all these feelings are balling up and where do I put them? I feel fucking pissed! People ask me all the time boring questions like "What do you think of blogs and people writing confessional stuff, thinking their thoughts are important and blah blah blah..." and the answer to that is, I think it's fine. If you don't wanna read something cuz you think it's gay, you don't have to read it. And if you wanna write about yourself because you think that what you think is important, you're right. You are as important as the next person, which is to say you are very important, and also pretty insignificant as well. There are a lot of fucking people in this world.

I'm pissed I got laid off. Of course it's not "personal" and money is tight and all that, but it's hard not to feel that way. It's hard to act like you're still friends with someone when you're not. It's easy to forget how little control we have over the way others act. We have no control. Not even a little.

Feeeeeeelings. I filed for unemployment and Sam went to Jamaica. I'm not blogging on Missbehave anymore. My life is up in the air and I couldn't be more grateful, more excited, because now, it's like, REALLY on.