I have some cool things going on right now. A part of me is like "Don't talk about them, you'll jinx it!" but then another part of me is like "Really? You believe in jinxes?"
I actually don't believe in a "jinx." Is it a hex? Is a ghost or a witch secretly plotting against me (maybe). I do believe that what I really mean to say is "saving face" and how embarrassing it can feel when said face is covered in shame. Just in case the really exciting thing I'm excited about doesn't happen, I don't want to feel stupid and be the boy that cried or wolf. Or in this case, the girl that cried TV show.
Yes that's right, MTV has optioned the rights to Dear Diary for TV. Yes it's fucking awesome! But really, you know how these things go. I guess I won't really be super excited until I'm on an actual Dear Diary The TV Show set. Sometimes these things don't happen, and if they do, the idea that it might even be a good show that goes to series is kind of one in a mill. But it is a high honor nonetheless. So jinx or no jinx, how about I just feel siked for a wee minute?
Another cool thing that I'm doing is getting my counseling license. It isn't the coolest job in the world or anything but it's something I'm really interested in and have been wanting to do for a while. It's specifically drug/alcohol counseling. It seems like a pretty dark career choice but I'm ok with that. I really like the TV show Intervention. It's so good right? Anyway, I know I will be really good at this and maybe one day I will go for an MSW or PHD but who am I kidding here? Probably not. MAYBE!?!?! WHO KNOWS!?!?!
Weirdly I am more excited about the counseling thing because the probability of that happening is greater than the TV show and I'm mostly just interested in things that have a beginning, middle, and end. Not so much things that have a beginning and a middle and then the person doesn't email you back.
Another thing about something good happening is the fear that people are wishing I will fail because there's that quote "Whenever a friend of mine succeeds, a small part of me dies." It's a funny quote though and yeah jealousy and envy are real things, even when we are totally cool people who are nice 99% of the time.
There is a fear I have that those negative thoughts people have suddenly go viral and before you know it, not only do I not have a TV show but I have nothing. And I'm poor and alone and old and no one likes me anymore.
I know logically I don't REALLY believe this to be true, but since when did logic have anything to do with anything anyway? Aside from math and driving.