On Writing

The other day I twittered "I don't like writing anymore" which is true for any writer I'm pretty sure, but I did get a lot of feedback on it.

Of course of love writing but sometimes I feel like there's only a specific kind I actually enjoy doing, which is this bloggy-style writing aka writing about myself and my thoughts and feelings, which is great and everything but it's no big whoop. Everyone likes that writing that kind of stuff.

I used to fantasize when I was younger about being a great fiction writer. While I do enjoy writing fiction from time to time, it's not my biggest strength. Neither is journalism or screenwriting.

Basically, unless what I'm writing about somehow involves ME, I don't ever think it's really that good. It's good enough I suppose, but I never was one to strive for being just "good enough."

So I've found myself in a bit of a pickle career-wise because what I love to write about (more or less myself) isn't exactly the most marketable kind of writing because who really cares, you know?

It's sad in a way but at the same time very liberating to admit this rather than trying to please other people or find some kind of get-rich-writing loophole. I'd rather just do what I like and do it to the best of my ability then try to hustle my way into mediocrity, even though I'm sure that's not even possible anyway.

Cuz see, when I write because other people tell me what I "should be" writing (i.e. a screenplay, advertisements, etc.) the writing is never as good as it is when I'm writing from my own damn heart. Not that anyone is asking me to do advertising work anyway (I'd actually try to kill it in that arena if given the chance).

Basically I'm just airing out my woes because while I do write for a living, I need more work and I don't know how to get it. That's why I'm going to school for my CASAC.

Or maybe I'm just trying to rationalize giving up. I can't tell yet.