I Quit My Job

I'm so happy I quit my job that I've kind of forgotten what it feels like to be happy. What I mean is, it hasn't really hit me yet. I used to fantasize about being a really big bitch to the people that call during these last days, but now that technically I can do that, I think it's mean and I don't want to. Or maybe I'm a pussy.

Things I won't miss about working at a hotel:

1. Room Service: Sometimes total assholes call and they don't say 'hello' they say "We want breakfast," and it's 1030pm. Then I say, "I'm sorry, we stop serving breakfast at noon." Then they say, "Are you serious?" You know, in some countries people eat breakfast at night!" And then I say, "No they don't." And then the person hangs up. How rude!

2. Dr. Zadanoff: Dr.Zadanoff is the hotel's masseuse and she has the kind of attitude that we should be sooooo fucking grateful she's here and that we get to serve her. She is curt and abrasive and says things like, "I need a cappuccino RIGHT NOW and if it comes any later than 5 minutes from RIGHT NOW I don't want it anymore." Well guess who doesn't want you anymore Dr. Z? EARTH.

3. Communal Bathrooms: Wow, it's so much fun to listen to each other take morning shits. I can't wait to shit next to my co-workers. It's not awkward at all. Pretending that I didn't hear you fart is easy! I can look at you in the eye when we're talking about that new Choen Brothers movie and not be thinking the whole time "Ha ha you farted hehehe."

4. Fluorescent Lighting: I thought I was kind of pretty before I worked here. Little did I know I was a zombie with purple/yellow skin, black eyes, and acne.

5. "Punching" in: We don't punch in with time cards, instead we lay our hands flat down on this super futuristic thing that knows our hand print memory. At first I thought it was kind of cool. I don't think that anymore.

6. The Computers: We have jenked out computers that prevent us from watching youtube and even AIMing sometimes. I have to explain over and over to my friends, "I can't watch that weird black dude sing about a mini-mall right now, I'm at work." It's like, so embarrassing.

7. Answering The Phone: My job requires me to do very little. Actually, 95% of my job is answering the phone. I'm so excited that I don't have to do that anymore. I'm excited I don't have to book rooms for foreigners or rich people and pretend to enjoy it. Lots of people have told me to write about working at a hotel but the book would be 1 page long because it's so boring. Maybe a funny thing to do would be make fun of my co workers but I actually like everyone here. I'll miss you fellow empolyees! Don't forget the cupcakes for my last day!