Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Fuck Embarrassment!

It's not like I go around saying I'm punk anymore, but when you grow up with a bunch of punks, you live under an unspoken code of conduct and rules that seem to stick on your ribs like the fattiest of foods. And even after you've digested a whole bunch of bullshit, that punk fat is still there except its evolved past your ribcage and has traveled into your DNA.

Of course it's all kind of a joke now but I know one true punk can sniff out another, like a junkie on the street. We're still around and just because some of us have traded our safety pins in for Brooks Brothers, it doesn't mean we can't find each other. In turn, just because someone trades their Brooks Brothers in for safety pins, we can sniff out poseurs too. Especially when the safety pins are made by Balenciaga (Brooks Brothers would have sounded better in that sentence, but I doubt that company makes safety pins).

Without going into further explanation (punks don't feel the need to explain) I will say that "being embarrassed" is NOT PUNK.

Embarrassment is for the weak. Embarrassment is clearly stating "I care about what you think of me, even if you're a total stranger."

I won't lie and say I don't care what other people think of me, of course I do. If I didn't, I'd wear Juicy sweatsuits everyday because they're mad comfy. Fuck it I'd wear sweatpants. I don't because I care what people think. Mostly my friends, people who might offer me a job, and not to mention I like to feel good about myself--which happens to be punk.

Does that mean I won't start doing a dance routine in front of a crowded restaurant because I feel like it? No. And if it embarrasses you then go find tickets to a Taylor Swift concert and get off my fucking stage (punks say "fuck" whenever they want).

Sometimes we get loud and obnoxious. Sometimes we get "inappropriate." So? That's how we live. Maybe you're reading this right now and realizing that you are in fact punk and you didn't even know (not very punk but we'll let it slide).

Another punk thing to do is contradict yourself and feel ashamed and dumb and embarrassed and say dumb things but tell the world anyway because bottling shit up and pretending it never happened in such an ugly way isn't for punks at all. It's for boring people who hate things that are ugly and off-putting and weird and not always easy to understand. Or stupid. Or smart. Or sloppy. Or apologetic.

For more on what I think punk is, read this. It pretty much sums it up.


It's on Thursday and I am DJing.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Top 10 Favorite Things: Footwear Edition

I'm gonna start making lists of my top 10 favorite things but narrow down the specifics, so this is the first one and it's SHOES. I want to do shoes first because most of the time I plan my entire outfit starting from the bottom up. And everyone knows that when you have a good outfit, you have a good day.

1. Merrell Hiking Boots: Woah. Bet you didn't think I'd start with these! Even though Machine will probably make fun of me for wearing these, I don't care cuz I really love them. They are a bit hippie but if you wear the shoe in a non-hippie context, they look really cute. If you wear them in a normal way, you'll just look like a lesbian from Colorado who enjoys hiking---which I'm not exactly mad at either.

2. Elizabeth and James pony hair flats: I just bought these flats and I love them. Mine are more of a cafe con leche color. They look like very expensive moccasins. When I bought them at Saks, they gave me a free "Influence" book which I left on the street outside my house. I don't know why. I just didn't want it. I thought it was boring.

3. Madison Harding Boots: One of my main homies makes this line of footwear, and last year she gave me one of my favorite pair of black boots. I am a huge fan of black boots/booties and am constantly buying them even though I wear sneakers most of the time these days. I wear black boots when I hit the streets but I just haven't been doing that very much in the past few months. Black boots-wise I have a whole army of these fuckers, from Alaia to Top Shop. As well as the Mad Hard ones. I love the Mad Hards because they are comfy and can be casual or fancy. Most of my black boots are the same shape and go a little higher than my ankle. I don't know why I keep buying the same pair of shoes. It's just what I like.

4.LL Bean Beanie Boots, Duck Boots: Fuck those tall Hunter rain boots. They're so hot they make my socks sweat, and ladies I'm sorry but unless you're Kate Moss, those boots will not get you laid. I guess if you are going to traipse through the wet marshes of the English countryside then yes, you should be wearing Hunter boots, but if you're short like me you should ABORT MISSION and consider these instead.

5. Black sneakers: I love sneakers and yes I have some white ones, but my eyes always go to black. All black everything...on your feet. I used to love love love these black Reeboks I had but I'm pretty sure they were bootleg because I haven't been able to find them or even find a picture of them in years. I got them at the Salvation Army aka Sal's Boutique. I love black sneakers and jeans because it makes me feel like either a jazz dancer or a waiter. I really enjoy costumes. Right now my black sneakers are these and I looooooovvvvvveeeeee them. Nike Air Max. I do enjoy wearing Nike's but that is mainly Machine's influence cuz he is obsessed with Jordans. I have black high top Jordan's but they feel too "moon boot."

6. Vintage Joan & David Tweed Bucks: I found these at Sal's Boutique for $5. Ultimate score. It's hard finding good vintage shoes in my size (6.5). I usually don't even like vintage shoes. It's the one vintage thing that grosses me out. I don't like "old heels" or "old leather" or wearing "old shoes that someone else wore the shit out of". Like you won't ever catch me saying "look at my new amazing vintage boots!" In my head that translates into "look at these overpriced old smelly boots I paid for at some dip shit lower east side store called Edith Machinist*." Anyway, these Joan & David are so awesome and in great condition and I'm pretty sure they belonged to my mom in the 80s anyway.
(*Side note: I have a side beef with the store Edith Machinist on Stanton street. Without going into crazy detail, she sold me a pair of shoes that fell apart the minute I got home and she wouldn't return them. Nevermind the fact that I live on the same block and have been a custie since day one. She left the old price tag on them as well, which was a sticker that said $7. And it was Christmas. I boycott that store now.)

7. Black Motorcycle Boots: These are classic. When I was just out of college I heard about a little website called "ebay." I thought it sounded cool so I searched "vintage motorcycle boots" and found these. I guess at that time, ebay items were sent down from heaven and God was a top seller. Haha.

8.Sven Clog Boots: I recently just threw out my pair of clog boots cuz they were worn the fuck out. When I went to buy them again I saw they were double the price. Typical. Even though I won't be buying them for this winter because they're overpriced, I will say that they were probably the best winter boots I ever had. They looked really cute with leggings when I wore leggings all the time. I'll miss you Sven clog boots.

9. Charlotte Ronson Hiking Boot Boots: These shoes are a perfect combo of two of my aforementioned favorites: the black bootie and the Merrell hiking boot. They are also lined with fleece-like material making them extra warm. At first they were too tight by the toes but now I put shoe stretch on them before I wear them and they're perfect. Shoe Stretch is a miracle drug for shoes and I HIGHLY recommend everyone going to their local cobbler to buy this stuff.

10. My shittiest running sneakers: These shoes make me the most happy. They are butt ugly and not cool at all, yet I would save them in a fire. They're silver Sauconys and when I wear them I basically look like a meth head from 'Zona. That's not a look I'm trying to go for anymore even though it might seem that way. I just feel most like myself in these ugly running sneakers. I really don't know why. I feel very confidant when I wear them. Even Moo, who is a footwear connoisseur, enjoys them. And I don't think he knows why either. I consider them the ruby slippers of my wardrobe.

The Anti-Happy Award: Because sometimes being happy is overrated, I will also add a shoe I really don't like. I know my friends will argue with me over this one, but I feel like the over-the-knee high heel boot is really gross. It's very Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, which is to say, whorish. Don't get me wrong, sometimes your feet need to be whores. That's why I own multiple pairs of Pollys. But these boots are a) highly trendy and b) highly expensive. Which means in a year from now they will look bad and you'll have wasted a lot of money on something that corporate America brainwashed you into buying. Not to sound too much like I "hate the man" but magazines are huge advertisements. It's not like I don't fall victim to this (I talked about leggings earlier, for example, or Nikes)but I don't feel like I'm that dumb to actually believe that I can pull off thigh high boots without looking like a midget whose shoes are eating me alive. I'm sure some girls can pull this off but in 6 months it will look cheap and passe and you'll be over it. Maybe my friends will prove me wrong though. I double dare them.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A New Kind Of Karaoke

I love karaoke but I got so bored of killing it every single sesh that I stopped going. I wanted to be fair and give other singers a chance.
Now there's this new thing where instead of a song, you get to do a scene from a movie and the screen basically puts you in the movie.
Some futuristic Japanese shit.
I haven't done it yet, but this is one scene that I will slay.
Of course it's still a song though.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

i'm ok you're ok

I don't believe that any one person has more power over another person. Yes some people have a higher status, be it financial or social, but what I mean to say is, I don't think that makes another person "better."

I don't think anyone else has more answers than anyone else. The answers are there, you can work hard to look for them for yourself, or you can go to a trained person and get them quicker. That doesn't mean they will always be right.

I will always believe in therapy and a sixth sense, but I don't believe someone else knows whats right for me. If I really search, and I really listen to what's going on with me, I will always know the right answer.

My shrink isn't there to tell me what to do. She's there to listen to me come to my own conclusions on my own, even if it takes me a while to get there. And that's why she's so good at it. She's never once told me to do or not do anything. This is why I trust her more than anyone else I know.

No one knows my future. Thank God for that. What fun would life be if it were already sorted out? The universe is huge and complex and mysterious and there are things that exist for real, like grey matter and black holes and stars that are really planets and planets that are really stars. Because of that, I'm willing to believe that magical, supernatural, psychic things are possible.

What I also believe is that they aren't as extraordinary as we think. Everyday magical mysterious supernatural things happen, we just take them for granted as being average.

Like flowers that we seep in hot water to make our colds go away, or the sun that makes trees grow for longer than we will ever be alive. And that thing Augusten Burroughs says at the end of Dry: the real miracle is this glass of water sitting here. The real miracle is the fact that it doesn't just up and float away.

I know a lot of people grasp and grab and pull at something big, but I will truly always think this: you don't have to try so hard. You just have to open your fucking eyes.

No one knows you better than you, and if they tell you they do and you believe them, you're playing yourself.

But you know, that's okay too.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


I haven't been blogging here so much, but what I have been doing is writing a lot more in my diary. Pen to paper style. I guess since my camera broke I've been using it as an excuse not to write here, because I always think who wants to read my stupid ramblings anyway? You just want pictures right? Right?

Maybe blogging is the way to fortune and fame and "getting discovered"? I don't know. Good writing is good writing and good writing means if you have nothing good to say, then don't say it.

Update on my life:

I just got back from LA where Hilary and I stayed with our friend Sophia. Sophia had just gotten back from Morocco and we stayed with for a week, and I got sick and then I got Hilary sick, so basically what I'm saying is that Sophia is a saint.

[cute photo of Sophia would go here]

I saw other friends too, like Chloe, Alex Olson, Chelsea, and Jonny Makeup.

[cute group photo of all those people together as best friends here]

I also saw Whip It and Good Hair. Whip It was cute but not hilarious or mind-blowing, and Good Hair was interesting albeit too long and a little boring. Save it for your netflix maybe? I don't know, I was also kinda sick and it was the second movie of the day.

[no photo here]

Some wacky hi jinx went down which included me breaking a glass picture frame, Hilary getting glass in her eye, missing our flight but getting on standby anyway, getting locked out of the house, getting into fights, getting late night meals with new friends, buying a cool jacket at the flea market, eating at Toast a lot, going to fancy/funny events and parties and hanging with new and funny people.

[video montage of all of those things here]

All in all the trip was LIFE CHANGING!!!

I'll miss you LA and LA friends.